Let’s shake some tables

To say this past week has been really depressing for me would be an understatement. So I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my COVID test was inconclusive (like when did that become a thing🤦🏾‍♀️), when I had to relive the Lekki toll gate massacre thanks to CNN’s investigation and as if that wasn’t enough the same level of violence found it’s way to Uganda 🇺🇬.

So having recently shared the above photo on my insta-stories and gotten a couple of shocking responses such as someone telling me that I am getting over political while another individual decided to point out that several other governments have acted worse than the Nigerian govt and he just couldn’t understand why everyone was making it a big thing. These among other responses really got me thinking. For starters, when did caring for people and asking for basic human rights especially a mere right to not be killed, a right to live become political. For those who don’t know on the 20th of October 2020, the government of Nigeria orchestrated the Lekki toll gate massacre that claimed lives of several Nigerian citizens who were peacefully protesting for the government to put an end to the Special Anti-Robbery Squad popularly known as SARS. This social movement was originally kicked off on Twitter with the hashtag #ENDSARS which people used to call for the ban of this National Police Unit by recounting their unjust and violence filled run-ins with this particular law enforcement unit so as to highlight and put an end to the brutal police oppression the Nigerian citizens were suffering at the hands of these individuals who solemnly swore to protect and serve them. These law enforcers were hiding behind the hands of the law to commit desspeakable that included but were not limited to extortion, kidnappings, armed robberies, murders as well as rape. Soon after the Nigerian citizens decided to take this social movement to the streets where they held peaceful protests as well as a candlelight ceremony to remember all those that had lost their lives at the hands of these unjust officials. So on that fateful day at around 6:50 p.m, members of the Nigerian Armed Forces opened fire on peaceful End SARS protesters at the Lekki toll gate in Lagos State, Nigeria and fired on all through the night right into the next day. All this transpired after they had removed the cctv cameras, cut off all the lights at Lekki toll gate and made a curfew that they very well people wouldn’t uphold because they wanted to fight for their peace and freedom. As if to add salt to the wound, once the shooting began all ambulances that several Good Samaritans had sent to help in aiding the injured victims were blocked from coming in hence several lives were claimed due to the fact that the victims could not access medical assistance. This led many to believe that this killing spree was deliberately orchestrated by the Nigerian government as a punishment for its citizens which CNN’s investigation highlighted. During this week the same level of absurd violence found its way again on the streets of Kampala and other places in Uganda (This seems to be the norm everytime election season comes around). This all started when one of the opposition’s presidential candidate was manhandled and wrongly arrested for failing to uphold the COVID 19 regulations set in place when campaigning for votes (the same thing government’s candidate and his subordinates are doing but they were not arrested). This caused a major uproar in Uganda’s capital city Kampala and his supporters as well as fellow citizens to take to the streets to protest against this unlawful arrest. The Ugandan government responded by deploying military officials and the police and to beat, arrest, attack and murder anyone that was out protesting hence the senseless bloodshed. You can witness some of this gruesome violence by checking the following hashtags #Ugandaisbleeding or #EndpolicebrutalityinUganda on your social media platforms. It was a heartbreakingly sad sight. Even if one feels indifferent towards all the people that are up for election this year, That doesn’t mean that one should turn a blind eye to the social injustices that are happening around the country.

Majority of these African leaders/ politicians are just out to line their pockets (they didn’t join politics because they really care about the people that voted them into power/ the people they represent but rather they only joined politics to further their personal gain). Case in point a certain member of the Ugandan parliament shamelessly went onto national television to ask people from his constituency to vote for him again in the upcoming elections because his first term in office was just for him to reap, spend and enjoy the taxpayer’s money and he promised that this second term would be different because now he would be willing to share this money with them. I was astonishingly dumbfounded at this revelation like wow how are we just a joke to you 🤔. But that revelation provided an insight to why none of these so called politicians is willing to step down or give up that seat of power after all we have an individual that keeps amending so that he can be a viable candidate everytime election season comes around). Other individuals feel indifferent towards African elections because it’s all smoke and mirrors, just another way to swindle and misuse more of the taxpayers money because everyone already knows who is going to emerge victorious since the election is already rigged from the get go. It is just a facade designed to give the masses false hope and make them think that they really have a say in the politics of the country yet they don’t 🤷🏾‍♀️. (Like see we have democracy because we let you vote in our already rigged election yay!!!!🎊).

This just goes to show that the so called democracy they claim we have is just a facade to mask and hide the true tyranny and dictatorship that is at play. So much innocent blood has been shed all because apparently it’s currently a crime to have a different political view to the current government.

And as folks were celebrating the release of the PlayStation 5 and debating whether it was really worth hype seeing as it pretty much costs an arm and a leg to get a hold of one, (they were pretty much sold out everywhere). I couldn’t help but be reminded of the fact that the Democratic Republic of Congo is currently going through a silent Holocaust where millions of people are getting killed over the sourcing of coltan, a critical mineral that is needed for electronic devices, aerospace and other technological innovations. And not to be a Debbie downer or anything but fact that children are being enslaved and over worked in these mines had my stomach in knots. Who would have thought that we would still be protesting against child rape in 2020?? (looking at you Malawi though you are not alone on that list) And don’t get me started on #ShutitdownNamibia where Namibian women are marching in Windhoek against gender based violence, rape and femicide. Denouncing the ever present fear they are currently living in and asking their government to help create safer communities for them and their children. These politicians practically turn a deaf ear to the innocent cries of their citizens but they won’t fail to continue to impose heavy unnecessary taxes on their already not so well off to do citizens while they (the politicians)continue to live in the utmost opulence one can imagine.

They use the tax payers’ money to fund their lavish and luxurious lifestyles instead of providing the basic needs the citizens of their countries require. To put it mildly access to medical care is difficult and even if one manages to get to the hospital in time, there’s no medicine in the poorly ran government hospitals and don’t get me started on the shitty public schools. Public servants such as doctors and teachers only receive a penny’s worth of pay while these politicians are sitting on mountains of millions. There is a high mortality rate due to the poorly constructed roads (these roads have potholes just after a few weeks of construction because the contractors use the cheapest materials available and pocket the rest of the money). These politicians have failed their citizens in all capacities but what can one expect from people who can confidently and shamelessly steal over 100,000 dollars from their citizens and then claim that a snake swallowed the money 🤦🏾‍♀️.

Government funded schools
But is this what a government funded hospital should truly look like??

Most of these politicians probably started out with good intentions of truly serving the people but it seems like the power and their greed got the best of them and made them lose sight of what they really set out to do. With that being said, It’s safe to say that this younger African generation is tired😓. Our tired is tired. Like what more do you want from us. Your governments have starved us, brutalized us and slaughtered us like we are parasites that need to be exterminated. Y’all need to do better.


The sensation of turning pages (read as flipping ebooks on a screen), falling in love, being terrified, feeling secondhand shame, embodying the characters, the villain, the hero, (they are, after all one in the same as I’ve come to learn).

It’s 00:05 in the night (or morning if you may) and I just finalised one of those books, The kind you pray you never forget that somehow despite memory withering you’ll at least hold the lessons at heart but I’ve heard this sensation before, and the human brain is fickle, what is important at midnight may just be a faded buzz by 8:00am and so I write.

Thanking all the authors that put these beautiful words to paper, that make a book feel like home, that leave us eager and horrified to turn pages, afraid of the ending or that a good story comes to an end after all. That remind us to hold mirrors to our souls recognising tidbits of ourselves in the characters, reminding us that we’re human prone to not only building up but also utter destruction; that feeling and being is okay.

I do not remember the first time I let myself feel, truly utterly feel, the good, the beautiful and the others we prefer to pretend away. But I remember my first “real” book (The Naughty Amelia Jane doesn’t count, sorry). My first love was “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen, my first lesson in the fact that books invoke emotion, rage disbelief. Oh how I judged the actions of the characters I disapproved, invoking a sense of self righteousness deep within me, making me judge, juror and executioner for the villains in most of the other books devoured for years to come thereafter.

I don’t know when exactly, but with time the judgements were softer, the need to empathise stronger. Maybe it’s after making and living through my more questionable life choices, a “jar” of broken hearts trailing behind my not-so-many years of existence, that I’ve become more accomodating. I understand and sometimes glimpse myself in the “bad” ones, the ones who seem heartless and selfish. I’ve lived that story and oh the things fear, brokenness and naivete can make you do, it’s no excuse, just life. So with the “experience” under my belt, I cry for the good and the terrible, rich and poor, I hold dear the faces, names and characters brought to life with movement of pen or keystrokes and I am thankful for the reminder that we are all human, and that’s okay.

I have so many unfinished books to go, authors to discover, lessons to learn and oh so much growing to do and until next time, I’ll be out trying to embody the bravery, kindness and the good parts of the presently blurry characters and hopefully living the kind of life whose pages may inspire someone to be better.

Always, Christine.

Dear Me,

We haven’t written in a while, have we? No judgement here. Look how far that’s gotten us in the past, so we’re tossing that habit right out the window, alongside pity parties and all the things that make us sad. We’ll get to that in a minute though. 

Today we write just so we can make room for a smile somewhere within the sadness lodged in our chest.

My love, notice I‘ve called you MY LOVE. It’s just been a while since we’ve used that endearment and meant it. So my dear, this is the first thing on our to-do list. We will say my love at least 20 times a day, even when we don’t mean it. That way, maybe we’ll believe and act like it. 

I am sorry we’re not our best happiest selves at the moment. Sucks, doesn’t it? We can throw blame far and wide, but instead, we’re going to get a mirror, look within and love ourselves back to life. It only takes 21 days, and I hope this blooming habit is one of many lovely firsts.

Have I been rude to you lately, whispering untruths to your dear soul until you feel unworthy? I know I have and I am truly sorry. We’ve been doing that for a while now, we didn’t notice it was slowly rotting and chipping away at all the lovely facets of our being. So silencing those voices we shall do.

It’s a season for change, it’s been for a while. Let’s just stop fighting it and let God do his thing. 

Here my dear, is our list of new and recycled habits, subject to additions and deductions. We will;

  1. Practice the habit of letting go
  2. Be honest with ourselves 
  3. Stay true 
  4. Let love in
  5. Be kind
  6. Allow ourselves to feel
  7. Learn, unlearn, relearn
  8. Be brave
  9. Do our best
  10. Count our blessings 
  11. Let God 

See that list there my love, it’s not one of those you write and never look at till year end. This will be our mantra, our anthem. We will learn it, live it and love it. We will pray about executing it, go through the pain of evolving to embody it, but most of all, we will practice it lovingly, softly and boldly. 

I love you. You are worthy. You are enough.

Your forever friend,


Disclaimer: I wrote the above in the middle of an ailing heart, sad and happy, battle weathered and grateful, and on the verge on tears, knowing I am loved but feeling worthless regardless. This was not originally a blogpost, just a vulnerable moment of putting thoughts down, trying to make sense of feelings. That right there is a heart wide open. I posted it hoping it touches one person’s heart. I hope it implores someone to begin the journey to healing. I hope it mirrors the feelings of another. I just really hope it makes a difference. Remember, YOU matter, YOU are unbelievably amazing and YOU are beautiful, especially on those days when it’s so hard to believe. I pray that you live a love filled happy life.

Always, Christine.

I am done!

Catchy title , right? Well I wish it were that easy.
*insert monologue*: “am I doing it right, this whole life thing, am I loving others wholly or did I just let the petty in, again. Why didn’t I do the right thing, it can’t be that hard, how come I did it last time? Wake up, work out. Oh no I look fat in this pic, why am I obsessed with my weight? Can I stop? Oh crap that report wasn’t my best, was it? Ahh class, oh well I am drained. Did I read my bible today, ya I did? did I meditate, what’s my take away from today, no that one’s for last week. Why am I comparing myself again, that girl’s appearance and approach to life has nothing to do with me, still I want to win right? Ahhh there comes the caring about others’ opinions, again! I thought we were past this. Why am I scared again, I am amazing, do I even believe this? When did I stop. Sighhhh”

Well there goes a snippet of my sometimes inner “interesting” conversation and tbh it’s exhausting. Living life like this is exhausting! Second guessing and self criticism has never yielded a happy soul. It’s distracting from fully appreciating life and counting one’s blessings.

Funny thing is that sometimes it’s all happy thoughts not that anxious driven tirade above but I have to admit, lately that voice wins and I am not happy about it. I want to thrive, to be calm and composed, to totally believe what God says about me that I am good enough, lacking in nothing and capable of doing all things through Christ. It’s just hard to believe this when you’re picking yourself and everyone around you apart.

So the point of this, well this is me saying I am embarking on a journey where I say no. No to judging others and self, no to self pity, no to tearing myself apart, after all it doesn’t make you whole. This is my I am done moment and apologies if you didn’t sign up for a therapy session when you started reading this piece but I bet there’s plenty of us walking around giving ourselves crap for being human. So I say, forgive yourself, and yes do what Selena Gomez’s tattoo says, love yourself first. Don’t ignore your flaws, just work on them happily without judgement, with lots of love. I too, am going to try.

Just me, Christine Nalwoga Kabanda.