Candidly speaking …….

Vanitah

So I am not sure whether to refer to this as a life update or a self discovery thing and I know a lot of you guys probably feel like you didn’t sign up for reading my personal baggage but felt like I should share this because it could come in handy for someone else if they are experiencing what I going through just to let them know they are not alone or abnormal in anyway or if any of guys that are reading this have experienced and have triumphantly overcome this particular issue could offer abit of advice to help me kick it in the butt.

Now to start off I would like to say that I am undeniably an overthinker and an over analyzer of things ( like spontaneity is a rare occasion in my life because I would every much prefer to plan out my day to the very last T so that I know how I should handle anything I encounter).

Now don’t get me wrong I can be spontaneous but it usually happens in the heat of the moment when I can grasp my emotions and I usually hate how this makes feel like I don’t have my head screwed on straight. But that aside my main reason for writing this blogpost is because I have been struggling to stay in my creative element (this no writers block or lack of ideas because anyone who knows me can atttest to the fact that I have a bucket load of ideas and how they should be excuted but I just can’t seem to follow them through)

And it’s not because I lack commitment (though sometimes it waivers) but greatly due to the fact that I am always second guessing myself in literally everything I do on top of feeling like nothing I do is ever enough or perfect as I would like it to be.

I always feel like whatever I bring to the table or whatever I am presenting is not good enough and Personally I would not like to present anything that’s half assed (incomplete)or something that I feel like I didn’t give my whole. I will be the first to admit that I am always up in my head finding flaws, breaking down and dismantling stuff that I have worked on tirelessly because it doesn’t measure up to the particular standard I require for myself and anything I put out there in the world. And this is so frustrating because I have all these ideas and I would love to act on them and put them out there but I just can’t ( just because I am always way too much up in my head i end up self sabotaging Which literally Makes me my own worst enemy). Sometimes i create stuff that would be considered great in every single way and after a couple of minutes or hours I would go back in and start dissecting it and making comments on what I could have done better (like I don’t even understand why I am this hard on myself)

Like I have had people tell me to just breathe and see where the world takes me but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Like I usually wish I knew how my life is meant to play out ( like what I be doing tomorrow and the day after, who am I going to meet ). Like the uncertainty just leaves a pit in my stomach that I just find so had to get rid of and as much as I am genuinely dislike putting labels on things or self diagnose, this could probably be classified as some sort of Pâro.

I would like to get to the point where it is not like this anymore and I know that just like every thing else it requires a lot of work, commitment, patience, persistence and consistency and I think I am ready to give it a try and overcome this. I would also like to know if any of you have experienced anything like this before or any of the current things you are trying to overcome.

Love, Vee💓

Random thoughts on “paper”

Chronicles of the perfect body

Christine

Okay on this I am not one to say but what is this sudden idealism in our generation to look, speak and act a certain way so as to get “accepted” and validated? Who is doing this acceptance and when has society validation given life long happiness to anyone? Why the sudden urge to be portrayed a certain way not for yourself even but for the benefit of others?

To be honest it saddens me a little that even I sometimes subscribe to the stereotypical propaganda of having a certain body shape to feel better about oneself, viewing people just a little thicker as having let themselves go (like who even cares?) or even uncaring about who they are. I begin to ask myself the timelines at which these thoughts started creeping in. Is it the too much Instagram I am consuming lately, or maybe the condescending “you’ve gained so much weight” exclamations I got a while back after I gained a couple more pounds than usual, like as if I’d acquired one of the 7 deadly diseases!

I am all for perfection, trust me, but as long as it’s ones idea of bettering oneself. However, a few do it solely for that purpose. I am not sure who in the world sold us on the idea of skinny/muscular being the new good enough. I have to admit, I had been consistently working out for a while (focus on consistency), so that I get to lose the weight due to societal pressure (“and get fit”, or so I tell myself) so I am not exactly one to advocate for do you, be you, but here I am.

Before: December 2018

After: September 2019

I believe good enough starts as a thought process, an intentional daily mantra, saying you are worth it regardless of what you feel or even your appearance, be it dark, light, curvy, skinny, introverted or just a little bit extra, as long as your heart is in a happy place then I say you win! Because everything can come under attack but if your mind is trained right, if you love who you are and appreciate your process, then you are goals! While I am at it, I also just want to add, can we please be a little kinder, both to ourselves and others. We all get to be versions of perfect and that’s okay, please don’t conform, stand out, be you (whoever that is, and it’s okay for it to change). Oh and don’t underestimate the power of a good everyday mantra.

Yours truly,

A work in progress.

New Year Resolutions

Vanitah + Christine + Derrick

Vanitah

So my non existent new year excitement has finally died down and now I have to think and plan for what I want to see and achieve in the coming twelve months. With the mentality that I Will only Reap What I sow. I decided to jot down some of my resolutions for the new year (some these are totally new to me while others I adapted to in the midst of the previous year and I thought I should keep them).

– Going to bed on time. My insomnia tends to get the best of me but if I can manage to get more than 5 hours of sleep that could be helpful especially with my crazy schedule. 

-Drinking more water. I tend to forget this at times and when I do remember, I prefer drinking hot water to cold water. Plus I know my hair and skin Will Definitely Thank me for it. 

– Praying more. To me this is more like having a conversation with God where i thank for his abundant love. I talk about my feelings and plans as well as ask for guidance. 

– Working out 🏋️‍♀️ I think it’s about time me and the gym work on this off and on relationship we have. 

– Eating more fruits 🍉🍓🍇🍌🥭🥑and vegetables 🌶 🥗🥦🥕. I love my fruits and veggies but at times I forget to eat them as often as I should. I feel like my once a day is not enough so I will definitely have to do better.

– Travel…I have a few countries that i would love to see on my bucket list and i believe it wouldn’t hurt to knock one or two of them off of that list this year🤷🏾‍♀️.

– Be kinder to myself. I tend to be more sympathetic and understanding towards others but too hypercritical towards myself. Like I will give someone the benefit of the doubt if something goes wrong but when it comes to me I will be like I should have done more to prevent that from happening. This year I choose to believe in myself, respect myself and treat me well with all the kindness I can muster because I can’t control how kind other people are to me but can sure as hell control how kind I am to me. 

– Read more. I love reading novels so I definitely wouldn’t mind cheating on my phone and tv with a good book or two.

– Saving…With the online shopping and the fuzzy feeling of money literally burning holes in our wallet (the itch to spend every penny), the saving culture can be one of those difficult things to adapt but once taken upon, you never regret. 

– Telling my loved ones what they really mean to me. We never know when it can be the last time we are seeing or talking to certain individuals because life works and evolves in mysterious ways. I get that i tend to be absorbed and busy with my own endeavors and tasks but I know that this should not stop me from letting people know that I love and care about them. After all actions speak louder than words. So i hope i get better in 2019.

img_0650

Christine

Well this beautiful blog (I hope you find it beautiful) was borne in the amazing mind of Vanitah.  It’s now the three of us, me and Derrick included. Initially, it was to be a guide to melanin hair kind of thing, until we realized, being a person of color is more than just hair. Being Africans by decent, Ugandans to be specific, we have so much more to share about our traditions, culture, interests and just generally things we care about. We know this platform is just the place and we are excited to embark on this amazing journey.

So my resolutions this year:

-Remember to cut myself some slack. I am only human after all.

-Love myself first. I know this sounds like an anthem but when you’re at a point of utmost self love, you love everyone and everything better and most of all you’re happy.

-Which brings me to the third. I am going to choose to be happy regardless and see the good in all situations. Yes, happiness actually is a choice and is one that I am putting above all else this year.

-Face all situations head on. I used to have a tendency of sweeping things under the rug…well no more. I am going to wear my big girl pants and face the good and the bad and hopefully learn and grow from it. I believe this is what we’re created for: to grow and learn.

-Make a difference however small in my community. Whether it means giving to the needy on the streets or committing to a charity, I would like to bless someone the way I’ve been blessed and give them a reason to live. Even if it’s just for a day, I want to bring a smile on their face.

-Lose the weight I earnestly gained the past year. This I have started diligently already. I have learnt consistency is key. 1 day of cardio a week does not erase the 7 days of junk (I’ve learned the hard way).

-Read at least one non-fiction book a month. Again, learning is the best way to grow.

-Do everything like as if it’s the only thing I can do well at that moment. I hope this helps me commit and do things better and with more passion.

– Read my bible and pray everyday. I am a Christian in faith and deed and I choose this path daily because I’ve come through my most trying and beautiful life moments as a result of believing in something bigger than myself. To me, being Christian is a lifestyle of humility, empathy, charity, love and most of all service above self. This is the basis of all that I am and growing to be.

whatsapp image 2019-01-06 at 18.29.57

Derrick

Seated in my favorite a bar alone on the first Friday night of the year I decided to finish my write up for the first blog on Afrococktail. It’s so weird I’m alone in this somewhat crowded place but I’m so happy. This year 2019 is definitely going to be a good year. Like I’ve just been texting a friend of mine, it’s all about good vibes! I’m so excited for this journey with my close friends Vanitah + Christine on this blog. It’s going to be a crazy ride, you’ll need to hold on! Before I start on stating my New Year’s Resolutions, I know you’re all asking yourselves why I’m alone in my favorite bar. I’m not a loner. It just so happened that one of my best friends stood me up. Anyway for my New Year’s resolutions, I will share with you only a few because I’m one of those people with soooo many. And yes! I will be surely ticking them off one by one this year, I said.

– I want to enjoy life more! I’m one of those people who always wish for the perfect moment and at times I get to miss what’s right infront of me because I have a better way it could have happened in my mind. For example if this was 2018, I would have left this bar like 10 minutes after entering and being alone but I realized that the music is great, the drinks are cold AF and the crowd is beautiful. Plus I’m having me-time. Sounds chilled, right?!

– I want to share more about my life. With this 2019, I get to have two blogs running at the same time. Which means an extra story of my life everytime I Post. I feel that with sharing what we are going through we reach out to many people in the same experience. Well we also entertain, I hope hahaha.

– I want to love more and say it out loud more. Many times we don’t even tell our mums we love them let alone our friends. We need to share our feelings more. It doesn’t take anything away form us so what the hell!!!!

– I also want to be extremely productive. I recently started working at my first job at the age of 23 and damn, works hard but weirdly fulfilling, ON PAYDAY. Haha

Anyway long blog post cut short! I’m excited to have you on this blog. It’s going to be amazing considering I’ve co-blogged with both Christine and Vanitah on my blog at the posts are both a hit! Let’s do this!!!

img_1449