Unfiltered

Emotionally Unfiltered

Its been a while and i was Definitely not thinking of writing today. But being that today is my birthday i took more than a few minutes to look back and reflect on all the things i have achieved as well as the blessings i have recieved this previous year and i could not be more grateful to God for the gift of life as well as the lives of those around me. Like each and everyone of these beautiful souls has impacted my life in one way or another this year. These highlights include but are not limited to starting this blog with Derrick and Christine, learning to how to ride a bicycle, with the help of one of my bestfriends, my younger brother as well as Derrick and Christine (not physically but they provided words of encouragement as helped me celebrate every milestone) my support system that i am forever grateful for(yeah it reallly does take a village to teach an old dog new tricks😂😂😂)

I am not saying it has all been rosy because i have Definitely had my fair shot of battles i had to fight and challenges i had to overcome. Such as losing my grandmother, fighting back tears Everyday But most Especially on special holidays because i would be Missing her a great deal (i still miss her But i am a tard bit more grateful for the life We shared ( trying not to dwell on the could have Beens that Never Got to happen) and trying to be as Happy and strong as possible because i am scared to show anything less than (like I would rather bottle my feelings up and fight whatever battle I am facing alone than talk about it and I know it’s definitely not a healthy way to live but I am definitely working on it)

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I somewhat feel like my faith in God was also on the line, from questioning some of His decisions (which I definitely know I should not be doing because He knows better but I was an emotional wreck at that time), throw in some bit of backsliding and you would probably have the perfect recipe for a gone case. But surprisingly I managed to work through it (let’s just say the fact that my Grandma was the person who helped me to learn more about God and she was the most God fearing person I knew so her life being cut short really didn’t sit well with me but it seems like she was still helping me even from beyond because it was still because of her that rediscovered God and got to love Him more).

But all that aside I hope you all have a great new week and thanks for reading.

❤️Vee

Ps: We are so sorry for being absent lately but we are definitely working on some more content and most of it will be up during the summer holidays 💃🏾💃🏾

To evolve is everything…

Christine

So first things first, being a regular in writing has been tougher than anticipated. I thought every week we’d always whip up something for y’all to read but Alas! Easier said than done.

So today I want to talk about being human and the one constant we’re all good at EVOLUTION. I will not be taking a dive into history talking about early man or even Adam and Eve….well that’s a tale for another time maybe. The kind of evolution I seek to pen is about us as people and our ability to constantly change depending on people, environment and whatever we may or may not choose to expose ourselves to. The intentional and unintended ways of coping and being different from who we were before.

I admire how one can look in the mirror and say no…I need to look better, feel better, speak better and then they become that which they want, merely because they wanted it badly enough and were willing to put in the work! I myself have been on a fact finding mission about self. Asking questions like who am I? Do I even like her? Why or why not? Can I do better? Can I be better? Where have I gone wrong in the past? How can I change that for all future interactions?

I have to be honest with you. Change is hard! Rewiring the mind to a whole new foreign mindset is tough. I read somewhere once that trying to change is like uncoiling a tightly coiled/wound wire in a whole other direction. It can be done but given a chance, it’d rather stay in its previously coiled position. For instance lately, I’ve been trying to master reading the bible and praying everyday as well as working out and living a generally healthy lifestyle. I cannot begin tell you how many times I quit or just plain didn’t care or even gave excuses from here to high heaven. The times I’ve let people’s opinions determine just how hard I should or shouldn’t be working on something. Words like “your size is perfect any skinnier and you’d look bad’…’you should eat some **insert unhealthy food** life is too short to not enjoy everything you want’ …’wow you’ve gained weight (after a week of constant workouts).’

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, not the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”  – Charles Darwin

 

I have come to learn though, being human is to understand that goals are personal, hard work is important and failure is part of the learning curve. Like Charles Darwin said “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, not the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”  I know the person I am today is different from even two months back. So thing is what kind of material are you reading (I personally prefer the bible lately), who are you letting inspire you, how often do you dig deep, admit your shortcomings and learn from them, are you forgiving others and yourself, are you choosing to be happy despite it all, what kind of company are you keeping, are you being the best you can be? If not what are you doing differently???? Most importantly…do you even care?

VALENTINES…

Christine

So a few weeks ago was the week of love where lovebirds celebrate each other…depending on choice but overall it’s the worldwide day for celebrating romantic love or if you’re a singleton (as Derrick calls it) then just celebrating life or being majorly annoyed by all the lovey dovey stuff (and memes). But in case you’re like me and a sucker for the whole nine yards of romantic gestures, with a loved one afoot, then this was the time to get excited!

My focus today will not be on all the coupled up lovebirds, I want to focus on the entire tradition of Valentines day and my opinion in regards. To be honest, I have mixed feelings on the whole issue, this being my first Valentines with a serious someone. I was clueless about the expectations of the lady on this day…”Was I to plan a date night? (but no, that’s the guy’s thing right). But what happens if I do/want to and he doesn’t? Does that mean I am not loved like that? But I want the roses and candlelit dinner but if I plan them, then it won’t be so special. I won’t feel like Cinderella. I should still do something special right, but what? Do males even like roses and chocolates ” This was part of the ongoing dialogue and frustration I faced that day.

My dilemma aside, what are the actual expectations on Valentines? I am a full fledged millennial wholly believing in shared responsibilities but would totally frown and sulk if my SO didn’t do a thing and I had to, yet I don’t even flinch at the idea, roles reversed. I would totally feel insulted and pathetic if I received nothing. So is this day that important or have we placed unrealistic expectations on a holiday and the males in relationships making them deplete themselves for the sake of assurance of love for us? But then again is it really too much to expect another to go out of their way this occasionally just to make you feel special? I go back and forth on my opinions here. Bottom line though, a relationship is between two people and you do whatever works for you…whatever makes you happy and is achievable. However, a little romance never hurt anyone now, did it?

Anti-Rape Culture!

I have a week long battle with myself on whether to write about this or just let it pass. A tug of war between speaking up myself to influence the change or to wait for someone else to take the first step. But then I came across a quote from Barack Obama which said that “change will not come if we wait for some other person, or some other time. We are the ones we have been waiting for. We are the change we seek.’’ And it resonated with me hence the writing of this post.

So on the 19th January 2019 a woman who was celebrating her birthday at a night club in Atlanta was drugged & raped on Facebook live and she could be heard crying for help and begging for her assailant to stop but both requests were denied. This really struck a chord with me probably because i could see myself, a friend, a sister and just every other female out there in this lady. Lucky enough for her, her assailant was later arrested by the Atlanta police department. But this got me thinking about all the other sexual predators who manage to get away with such sickening behavior especially in our African community. It got me thinking of the large number of ladies and young girls that never receive the justice they deserve because their offender was never apprehended or if he was caught and he bought his way out of justice prevailing hence walking away free as a bird. Most sexual predators in the African society get away with their actions because their victims are too afraid to speak up about the sexual assault they suffered or endured because they personally know their assailants and these are usually people in high places of power or their relatives.

The idea of speaking up and naming their Uncle, husband, step father, boss, teacher or high profile celebrity as their assailant scares the hell out them and the threats they might have received during the attack don’t make it any easier. Societies’ victim blaming culture also works as a mute button for these victims because usually when someone speaks up about sexual assault, the first question that rises is “What was the victim wearing?”

And if their mode of clothing is not up to par with societies overrated standards then they will say that she asked for it through their mode of dressing or if a married woman speaks up about her sexual assault many will shut her claims down because they believe it is the husband’s marital right hence the wife is in the wrong for even suggesting that she was raped. The victim blaming makes many victims believe that what happened to them is their fault yet that is far from the truth and this makes them think that speaking up with only expose them to further ridicule from the society.

Due to the patriarchal structure of our society most men think and feel they are entitled to women’s bodies, so they see nothing wrong with the things they do which may also include sexually harassing women. These men think that women dress the way they do for their approval and they will be quick to brush off a woman’s cry for help if they think she is scantly dressed in their eyes. Some of these predators are also prior victims of sexual assault that they may have experienced it as children which made them feel helpless and they believe that raping others is a way of exercising their dominance to show that they are strong and they ought to be feared. Some people rape others just so they can spread their sexually transmitted diseases further because they don’t want to die alone or they superstitiously believe that defiling a young girl will be their cure from this deadly disease.

I am also not blinded to the fact that some people could lie about being sexually assaulted so as to earn an easy paycheck through extortion of the would be predators or by alleging that consensual sexual acts were forced so as to destroy a person’s life or career because they know they will easily be believed at the real victims expense even if they don’t provide any solid proof.

It’s our dream to have a rape-free world! A world where our close ones will be safe from pain, mental torture, depression and all our PTSD that haunts a rape victim. Let us ,as the world, FIGHT TO STOP THIS RAPE CULTURE!

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