So I am not sure whether to refer to this as a life update or a self discovery thing and I know a lot of you guys probably feel like you didn’t sign up for reading my personal baggage but felt like I should share this because it could come in handy for someone else if they are experiencing what I going through just to let them know they are not alone or abnormal in anyway or if any of guys that are reading this have experienced and have triumphantly overcome this particular issue could offer abit of advice to help me kick it in the butt.
Now to start off I would like to say that I am undeniably an overthinker and an over analyzer of things ( like spontaneity is a rare occasion in my life because I would every much prefer to plan out my day to the very last T so that I know how I should handle anything I encounter).
Now don’t get me wrong I can be spontaneous but it usually happens in the heat of the moment when I can grasp my emotions and I usually hate how this makes feel like I don’t have my head screwed on straight. But that aside my main reason for writing this blogpost is because I have been struggling to stay in my creative element (this no writers block or lack of ideas because anyone who knows me can atttest to the fact that I have a bucket load of ideas and how they should be excuted but I just can’t seem to follow them through)
And it’s not because I lack commitment (though sometimes it waivers) but greatly due to the fact that I am always second guessing myself in literally everything I do on top of feeling like nothing I do is ever enough or perfect as I would like it to be.
I always feel like whatever I bring to the table or whatever I am presenting is not good enough and Personally I would not like to present anything that’s half assed (incomplete)or something that I feel like I didn’t give my whole. I will be the first to admit that I am always up in my head finding flaws, breaking down and dismantling stuff that I have worked on tirelessly because it doesn’t measure up to the particular standard I require for myself and anything I put out there in the world. And this is so frustrating because I have all these ideas and I would love to act on them and put them out there but I just can’t ( just because I am always way too much up in my head i end up self sabotaging Which literally Makes me my own worst enemy). Sometimes i create stuff that would be considered great in every single way and after a couple of minutes or hours I would go back in and start dissecting it and making comments on what I could have done better (like I don’t even understand why I am this hard on myself)
Like I have had people tell me to just breathe and see where the world takes me but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Like I usually wish I knew how my life is meant to play out ( like what I be doing tomorrow and the day after, who am I going to meet ). Like the uncertainty just leaves a pit in my stomach that I just find so had to get rid of and as much as I am genuinely dislike putting labels on things or self diagnose, this could probably be classified as some sort of Pâro.
I would like to get to the point where it is not like this anymore and I know that just like every thing else it requires a lot of work, commitment, patience, persistence and consistency and I think I am ready to give it a try and overcome this. I would also like to know if any of you have experienced anything like this before or any of the current things you are trying to overcome.
Hey everyone! Now I’m home again after the trip to Mallorca, had a wonderful time! I was there with my family for a week but I would have liked to be there for 1 month if it was so … Because I really have trouble with the change of environment. It takes ages for me to at least start getting used to this cold Nordic weather (truthfully speaking i have Never gotten the hang of it). So when I got home I was inwardly screaming and praying for summer to kind of have a magical reappearance but to no avail. Like seriously falling back into my day to day scheduled routine after a full week of chilling, resting and lounging without a care in the world 🌍 just made me restless and sad. (Don’t get me wrong I was definitely happy to be back home because I missed everyone but that doesn’t mean I didn’t long for a tiny extension of my Mallorcan getaway). Anyway enough about my post getaway inner turmoil and let’s get to the juicy bits of my trip!
On a Friday night at 22 o’clock we landed in Palma de Mallorca after a 4 and half hour flight. I was happy with the fact that it was an evening flight because that gave me a window to get done with the things I had to do for the day before I embarked on my trip. When we landed we went by bus from Palma airport to the hotel in Can pica fort Where We would be spending the next few days. Saturday started out with a Nice breakfast buffet (Which had a Nice Range of food studs from bacon, eggs and potatoes to salads, fruits, cakes and cookies plus oats and cornflakes. This was such a welcome relief since i am literally so Picky with my food). After this We spent majority of the day lounging around pool because We were so tired from the night before to literally do anything else. Plus this also gave me a Window to catch up with Derrick and Christine since it had been a while since We last did that( our banter is in Its own lane). We had our lunch and dinner at the hotel too. On Sunday after the breakfast we went to the Beach (ot was packed with a lot of tourists with made the task of finding a spot sit literally impossible. Once We were done with that in the late evening, We did some widow shopping as We headed back to our hotel with our sand selves( there was sad everywhere🤦🏾♀️😂)
On Monday, we went on a leisurely boat ride tour of Cap De Formentor and here I got to enjoy the breathtaking view of the Serra de Tramuntana mountain range, which forms the northern coastline. We sailed out from Port de Pollenca, where the trip went to Cap de Formentor – It was such a beautiful trip with a couple of bathing stops along the way. Our lunch was also which we enjoyed on the boat was also included in the price. (Sadly I didn’t take any photos because I forgot my phone at the hotel. So me 🤦🏾♀️)
It rained quite a lot on Tuesday so I spent majority of the day indoors and at night our hotel hosted a delicious Mallorcan- style barbecue after which we were entertained with live music. ( I also got to try a really tasty Mallorcan cake 🍰 whose name I can’t remember 😬)
on Wednesday and Thursday we went shopping but sadly I was under the weather. I got to try the traditional Spanish paella with lobster 🦞 but It just wasn’t my cup of tea so I ended up just getting chips, beef and sauce with my go to drinks throughout the entire time I was in Mallorca- smoothies except for once or twice when I would get the alcohol free cocktails 🍹.
On Friday which was also our last day of the trip we went to a traditional Mallorcan market in the historic town of Sineu, where lively trade was taking place among the locals as well as us the tourists in the market square and in the small streets. The price of everything from fruit and vegetables to clothing and utensils – even with animals as the only remaining market in Mallorca, is bargained for. After a visit to the market, we went to the east coast and the city of Porto Cristo, where we entered the Hams cave itself. Here we saw the beautiful formations of dripping stones and experienced the impressive natural-created caves. I bought some paw paws ( because it had been ages since I last ate one) and mangos which I brought back home with me along my other purchases.
Okay on this I am not one to say but what is this sudden idealism in our generation to look, speak and act a certain way so as to get “accepted” and validated? Who is doing this acceptance and when has society validation given life long happiness to anyone? Why the sudden urge to be portrayed a certain way not for yourself even but for the benefit of others?
To be honest it saddens me a little that even I sometimes subscribe to the stereotypical propaganda of having a certain body shape to feel better about oneself, viewing people just a little thicker as having let themselves go (like who even cares?) or even uncaring about who they are. I begin to ask myself the timelines at which these thoughts started creeping in. Is it the too much Instagram I am consuming lately, or maybe the condescending “you’ve gained so much weight” exclamations I got a while back after I gained a couple more pounds than usual, like as if I’d acquired one of the 7 deadly diseases!
I am all for perfection, trust me, but as long as it’s ones idea of bettering oneself. However, a few do it solely for that purpose. I am not sure who in the world sold us on the idea of skinny/muscular being the new good enough. I have to admit, I had been consistently working out for a while (focus on consistency), so that I get to lose the weight due to societal pressure (“and get fit”, or so I tell myself) so I am not exactly one to advocate for do you, be you, but here I am.
I believe good enough starts as a thought process, an intentional daily mantra, saying you are worth it regardless of what you feel or even your appearance, be it dark, light, curvy, skinny, introverted or just a little bit extra, as long as your heart is in a happy place then I say you win! Because everything can come under attack but if your mind is trained right, if you love who you are and appreciate your process, then you are goals! While I am at it, I also just want to add, can we please be a little kinder, both to ourselves and others. We all get to be versions of perfect and that’s okay, please don’t conform, stand out, be you (whoever that is, and it’s okay for it to change). Oh and don’t underestimate the power of a good everyday mantra.
Its been a while and i was Definitely not thinking of writing today. But being that today is my birthday i took more than a few minutes to look back and reflect on all the things i have achieved as well as the blessings i have recieved this previous year and i could not be more grateful to God for the gift of life as well as the lives of those around me. Like each and everyone of these beautiful souls has impacted my life in one way or another this year. These highlights include but are not limited to starting this blog with Derrick and Christine, learning to how to ride a bicycle, with the help of one of my bestfriends, my younger brother as well as Derrick and Christine (not physically but they provided words of encouragement as helped me celebrate every milestone) my support system that i am forever grateful for(yeah it reallly does take a village to teach an old dog new tricks😂😂😂)
I am not saying it has all been rosy because i have Definitely had my fair shot of battles i had to fight and challenges i had to overcome. Such as losing my grandmother, fighting back tears Everyday But most Especially on special holidays because i would be Missing her a great deal (i still miss her But i am a tard bit more grateful for the life We shared ( trying not to dwell on the could have Beens that Never Got to happen) and trying to be as Happy and strong as possible because i am scared to show anything less than (like I would rather bottle my feelings up and fight whatever battle I am facing alone than talk about it and I know it’s definitely not a healthy way to live but I am definitely working on it)
I somewhat feel like my faith in God was also on the line, from questioning some of His decisions (which I definitely know I should not be doing because He knows better but I was an emotional wreck at that time), throw in some bit of backsliding and you would probably have the perfect recipe for a gone case. But surprisingly I managed to work through it (let’s just say the fact that my Grandma was the person who helped me to learn more about God and she was the most God fearing person I knew so her life being cut short really didn’t sit well with me but it seems like she was still helping me even from beyond because it was still because of her that rediscovered God and got to love Him more).
But all that aside I hope you all have a great new week and thanks for reading.
Ps: We are so sorry for being absent lately but we are definitely working on some more content and most of it will be up during the summer holidays 💃🏾💃🏾